Sweet River Photography

Two months later.

er admission

Two months. Two months of life. Two months that would not have been possible 90 years ago, and would have been unlikely even 50 years ago. Two months of our new normal, thanks to ERs, insulin, and very accurate and convenient glucose monitoring.

morning insulin dose

In the two months that we have been part of the the Type 1 Diabetes community, we have heard of several children who did not make it to diagnosis. It looks like the flu. It looks like a hot, sweaty, thirsty summer kid. It looks like not-quite-right.

four days before diagnosis, very thirsty, having to pee and not wanting to walk

In their memory, and in appreciation of Bella's second chance at life, I am sharing the symptoms so that maybe some one will put together the puzzle pieces for another child and save a life.

Extreme thirst
Frequent urination
Sudden vision changes (blurry vision)
Sugar in urine (yeast infections)
Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath

Increased appetite
Sudden weight loss
Drowsiness, lethargy
Heavy, labored breathing
Stupor, unconsciousness

three days before diagnosis, water by her side and refusing to stand up to play

Bella ended up with every single one of these symptoms. Some kids never have to experience DKA like Bella did, since a few of the early symptoms (chugging water, wetting the bed, blurry vision, yeast infection) are enough to bring a kid to the doctor, and a perceptive doctor knows what to test for. We had an exceptionally warm summer with new activities, and they masked Bella's warning signs.

in the weeks before, she suddenly needed naps

Knowing the symptoms is a start. I knew the symptoms and still didn't see them in my own child. The first day she chugged water, I thought to myself, "Holy cow, she's chugging like she's diabetic," and then I pushed it out of my head as impossible. When someone commented on it weeks later, I said, "yeah, that has me super worried because it is not a healthy symptom." I could have spared her a month of pain if only I had taken her in, but who brings their kid to the doctor for chugging water on a hot summer, and she seemed fine, so I shoved it to the back of my head. All of it. The weight loss, the lethargy, the headaches, the yeast infection, and even the vomiting and labored breathing and sweet breath until the last minute. It takes everything in me and a good long look at my now healthy child to not hate myself for missing her diagnosis.

two days before diagnosis, no energy at all. the following night she started vomiting from severe DKA

And still doctors miss these blatant signs and send kids home. Some kids make it back to the ER, and some do not. Urge your doctors to take a simple sugar test if you have to go in for flu-like symptoms. It takes seconds. It saves lives. Remember the symptoms. Drinking, peeing, weight loss. By the time it gets to vomiting, sweet breath, and coma it is a serious problem that needs immediate ER attention. Diabetes is becoming more and more prevalent, but few people know the warning signs. Knowing these symptoms could save your child's life, or a neighbor's, or someone at school. We were lucky and have a second lease on life. The more people who know, the more lives will be saved.

10 on 10 August

"Nothing changes and nothing changes and then a month is gone and then a year" - me, last month.

Until everything changes.

And that Everything has made this post very hard to write because I can't believe how different life is now. Some things manage to stay the same. But our lives were turned upside down this month, and we are not the same.

Same quiet mornings.

Same quiet hours spent drawing.

And a party that I went to -

that I was in no state to attend

while stressing over my own daughter

and mourning the loss of a friend's.

That I did my best to sit through

(but I didn't manage to take even a phone picture)

and then thankfully had to leave for a shoot.

I can escape in photography.

Unless I'm in a parking lot on I-5.

And then I just sit there.

But it's better than being in a room full of people who don't share your grief.

And I spent the afternoon refilling my heart with these two beautiful souls, whose wedding I have the privilege of capturing in October.

And then this.

This picture hurts me because Bella is cuddling the first tomato of the season.

And she can't eat it yet.

And she is being so so understanding of that and snuggling it instead.

So Lia does the same.

Time for Bella's dinner check.

A few days of needles adds up

and the holes and bruises are small

and dotting her little body

and Bella doesn't complain.

(But I do, I can't help it.)

Still, some things stay the same.

Or improve.

She can run again.

She hasn't run in months.

She didn't run last month.

Or bike.

And we didn't know why.

So there's joy in the simple things.

And my night ends watching the sun set at a cafe with friends

(a gathering occasioned by unbearable grief)

but we are together

and for the moment that is enough

and we find our smiles.

Life goes on as usual this month, but nothing is the same.

10 on 10 July

July! I really do not understand how the days keep slipping out from under my feet. Nothing changes and nothing changes and then a month is gone and then a year. It's nice to have 10 on 10 because change is slow and ever present with kids. You're going along and then all of a sudden you realize that things are nothing like they used to be, though you can't remember them changing.

So I will love waking up snuggled next to this one for as long as I can, in spite of her morning squirming and mosquito bite itching.

Soft, bright summer mornings.

And then we sat around the house all day waiting to sign for a camera in the mail and in all the nothingness, I forgot it was 10-on-10 day. My mom even visited and I didn't take a single picture. Amazing how I can remind myself relentlessly and still forget when I'm in the middle of a project. :O)

The fairy donning her beloved gloves as we waited for the mail truck.

Testing out the camera. These don't count towards the ten, I swear!

Bella playing big sister, realizes she can undo Lia's helmet all herself.

Hopscotch after a painful math lesson. She drew this one all herself and left the numbers out this time.

Quiet time in the kitchen while I cook.

My view while cooking. I love our new white cabinets.

Daddy's home!

And to bed. They always pick him instead of me, and by bedtime I have to agree!

10 on 10 June

10 on 10 for June! Apparently I took and processed all my images and forgot to blog them. :O)

So wonderful waking up to this bouquet fresh from my uncle's garden. Those white peonies are the most fragrant flowers I have ever smelled. I call them the stinky flowers because they are really THAT fragrant. They smell like your great grandma all loaded with perfume.

A shoot for the farm - planting broccoli starts.

Dropping Dave off at work.

And waiting waiting waiting at the doctor.

And more waiting. We waited for an hour, essentially to drop off pee. Hooray. I can say in retrospect that it was worth it, but alas, it was a long morning.

A beautiful day at the lake.

Hungry and waiting miserably for dinner.

Fresh picked strawberries!

And bathtime, at long last.

Sneaky little one reading herself to sleep.

10 on 10 May

On Fridays, I go into Seattle and watch my friend's two kids, so our day is very full! We've done this for a year an a half now and their family is very much a part of our lives.

The biggest change this month is that we have sun(!) and that my baby is now 5 and can ride a two-wheeler. Oh, and Lia made it through the train park without headphones!

10 on 10 March

My first 10 on 10: March 2013

A lazy day at home... one of many that blur together in an endless stream. And yet. Just two months later these memories are just that. Each day is imperceptibly different until these memories are distant nostalgia. (Hm... apparently I was still attempting naptime for Lia and getting work done during that hour. HAH!)